A KEY TO EMOTIONS

  Speaking of dreams, one of mine was to write at least one book. The purpose of it was to give me a purpose in life, something that would symbolize a little seed of mine in this world, a footprint on the sands of time. Perhaps something pretentious. Perhaps a pretext to perpetuate myself when I was no more than dust and shadow. In this journey of letters and forms, I have tried to seek excellence, to feel proud of myself for a job well done. However, I have also learned by trial and error that, in spite of my dedication, to make mistakes would be that stamp that, as a human, I would carry in everything I did. As Agent Smith said in The Matrix, “it is inevitable.” Why does it hurt so much to make a mistake? In my case, I do feel pain. It's like when you get your heart broken, you feel something tearing inside you, although your body remains intact. I have even gone through all the stages of grief. Two months ago, when I visited my doctor for a check-up, he asked me, How is your p...

  By Ángela López INTOXICATED WITH LIES "Hide me deep inside you, where no one can rescue me. I surrender, my destroyed soul can no longer be among the brave who still continue to face this cowardly world and its creatures. I just want to close my eyes to see again those clouds where the innocence of that little boy told me about happy endings. Please, no more cruel truths, lie to me with impunity.  Tell me that Helios is able to warm my icy heart and that my burning hatred can be quenched by Poseidon. Make me believe that, in Hell, the beautiful Persephone waits for me.  Never have my sorrows drowned me, until today.  I never knew the taste of defeat, until today. Now I will immerse myself in my own sorrow and embrace it inside this bottle. Each sip will satiate my longing for happiness… Oh sweet bitterness! What it was never possible for me to touch, I will drink then. No! It is not a farewell, it is the beginning of a happy hangover far from sober reality"....

By Ángela López I like you, pain; you remind me that I am still breathing.   As long as you continue to sleep by my side, this body will continue to cling to the warmth of the agony to which you have condemned me.   For years I have cursed you, but one fine day surrender knocked at my door, my knees finally bent before you, dear adversary. My decision was not due to lack of courage, but to the weariness of an absurd struggle; I wanted to change the result, when in reality mathematics is exact, one plus one will always be two, it will never be zero.   Poor innocent me when I tried to reject what made me different from the others, no one can run away from his shadow. The answer was always Acceptance. Raised under the religious bosom, I remembered the words of the New Testament in the Gospel according to Luke that says: "to him who strikes you on one cheek, present the other also…".   I have tattooed this advice in my heart to understand that I cannot fight against pain...

By Ángela López The differences between us human beings is fascinating.   Unique and irremediably beautiful in our own way.   Unfortunately, it takes us years of painful experiences to reach the feeling of appreciation for ourselves. When I was a child I couldn't fit into any group, I just liked to be alone in my world, which consisted of reading, drawing and running around.   I hated it when anyone else tried to draw me into childhood activities, but on the other hand, when I saw someone suffering, I would step out of my bubble to try to help.   As I got older I developed something that from my point of view is the ability to step into other people's shoes. So, when a waiter or waitress is unkind, I simply imagine a lot of possibilities as to why they are being mean; then, to the bad attitude, I return a warm smile.   However, I am still a very lonely woman who enjoys little or no parties with friends or family gatherings. For many, I am arrogant, conceited, ...

By Ángela López https://www.angelalopez.co/ After months of absence from my blog, I'm finally here.  During all this time I have been struggling to regain my health, having enough time to reflect on something called Freedom. How free I was before, and how imprisoned I feel now! Although I am a quiet and introverted woman, the truth is that I am very dynamic with my tasks; such as physical exercise, writing, editing and drawing.  However, due to the mind-body contradiction, it was impossible for me to do everything I have always been passionate about doing. My mind said that this condition would not represent something difficult to overcome, but my body was sending me another message: "you are in a lot of pain." So, seeing that my positive thinking was not enough for my body to regain its strength, I had a conversation with myself. I accepted the fact that I was sick, then I asked myself: will I be able to recover? In those days, Deepak Chopra's book Unconditional Life...

By Ángela López It is no secret that Alexander III of Macedon, called the Great, is one of the most renowned conquerors in our history. For twelve years he was leading military campaigns and conquests.  Probably, this powerful man also came to feel desolate in the midst of so much land; Nevertheless, his hunger to dominate, coupled with his fervent desire to find the exact place where the Earth ended, prevented this man from adding the word "surrender" to his lexicon. And that's how we humans are; beings who need to feel the thrill of achievement, that we have discovered something or mastered something. Of course, the goal always differs depending on our values. For example; some men dedicate their efforts to be the best father, some women focus on declaring their independence over the macho culture, and others might invest their whole life in search of their soul mate. And what do you invest your energy in? However, to reach that which marks our North, the topography o...

By Ángela López One of my readers asked me what my main quality is, well, I would have to mention patience. Few things get on my nerves, as I always try to imagine how difficult life can be for many of us at certain times.  By emotionally putting myself in someone else's shoes, I am able to develop a level of understanding for the frustration, temper and even envy that others deal with. In addition, being a teacher has fueled my desire to understand the different ways of learning that others have, which also applies to the multiple interpretations that each of us give to life. By this I do not mean that I am an enlightened and perfect being; on the contrary, I strive not to taste the irrational banquet that anger, sadness and frustration prepare for me on a daily basis. Streams are beautiful as long as they are just that, harmless rivulets with pebbles and flowers around them, but when it rains incessantly on them, the flood is imminent, and with it, the charm transforms into des...

By Ángela López Words caress sweetly or strike cruelly, that is a fact. A couple of years ago someone told me that, "Although I thought I was intelligent, in reality I was not" and, moreover, "I was a weak woman.”  I don't deny that these were difficult words to assimilate, however, I questioned internally those statements. Were they absolute truths what this person was saying, or were they simply comments from someone who wanted to hurt my self-esteem? By asking myself this question, in a way, I took away someone's power to pollute my thoughts.  I imagine that you too have gone through similar situations where you have had to challenge the blatant and malicious opinions of others.   Each of us has tasted a "you're great" as well as a "you are not valuable.”   Paradoxically, many times, it is not necessarily someone around us who can hurt us with their statements, but it is we ourselves who mistreat ourselves psychologically during those endl...

In my country, Colombia, December is undoubtedly the happiest month of the year. I don't know if it is because we are a tropical country or because our veins have all that Latin flavor, but the truth of the matter is that this is the time when Pastor López's music, dancing, custard, fritters, liquor and roasts have their most desired reunion. Even, after going through such a complex year as 2020, we Colombians are looking to shake off all the bad things of these 365 days. It is as if during this month we had a clean slate, or simply suffered amnesia for 31 days. I sincerely hope that this year that is ending will not leave you wounded, dear reader. However, if that is the case, remember to give healing a chance. Easy? It will never be, so let's learn to smile at the process. And how do you do that? I once wrote in one of my blogs that as a teenager I suffered a car accident, which left a deep wound in my right hand, as well as multiple traumas. My...

By Ángela López Be yourself! This is undoubtedly one of the most powerful exhortations today, although for many it has become just another cliché.  Interestingly, despite the call for originality, the truth is that when something goes outside the conventional parameters, people get scared.  This is why some of us prefer to pretend or hide our true selves, so that we don't feel rejected, ridiculed or even abused emotionally and/or physically. Nowadays, lying is like a protective shield against the darts of antipathy and public scorn, because if you show yourself as you are, there will be a lot of birds of prey ready to devour your self-esteem.  Paradoxically, we admire great figures of the seventh art, when in reality each one of us has played an infinite number of roles to avoid losing friends, getting ambitious jobs or maintaining idyllic loves. Hypocrisy has become a matter of survival, no longer even an option. A famous enemy of Batman is known as Two-Face , but... ...

By Ángela López Singing is one of the skills I have most admired. Listening to Luciano Pavarotti, Freddie Mercury or Pedro Infante, is like touching a little piece of heaven in the stormiest moments.   Without being a proper Whitney Houston, I must confess that my off-tune sounds glorious in the shower.   Fortunately, there are other talents and different intelligences (Howard Gardner - Multiple Intelligences).   So, I started researching how I could improve both "spatial-visual" and "linguistic-verbal" intelligence.   However, despite my advances, the comparison exploded like an erupting volcano. Repeatedly, I confronted my work with that of others.   Generally, I used to feel that theirs was far superior to mine, and that my efforts were in vain, as I would never produce anything with characteristics of excellence. In a way, I was showing glimpses of a rather limiting and unpleasant feeling: envy . It should be noted that, envy or that feeling of sadness b...

By Ángela López Do you have any words that you find pretty, inspiring or comforting? In my case, I would say "ineffable. "   I love it because of the warmth of its sound when pronounced, and, because its meaning cannot be easily explained due to its characteristics of singular excellence. For example: "the expression of love on her face was ineffable, and it was all due to her close relationship with herself".   A few days ago, while writing one of the stories for my book, I came across a term that caught my attention: " Achromatopsia ".   Basically, it is an ocular pathology in which one can only see in black and white. And, although it is considered a rare disease, I couldn't help but think that, when it comes to emotional vision , it is quite normal to suffer from it. In a world fragmented by divisions, we tend to ignore the beautiful kaleidoscope that is our heart.   Desperately, we look for any reason to create boundaries and classifications betw...

By Ángela López. "I found myself on a cliff holding someone's hand so that he wouldn't fall, I never managed to see the face of the one who was hanging from me, but for some reason, I felt that he was also the person who was eagerly holding on to the hand of her salvation,” that was for years one of my recurring dreams. This makes a lot of sense, because to be honest, on countless occasions this is precisely how I have felt, hopeless and lonely; trying to help myself so as not to melt completely into despondency.   On some occasions, I have been able to reduce the intensity of devastating thoughts through drawing, writing or sport. Other times, even a simple strawberry ice cream brings me out of my low mood, however, there are extremely difficult moments when the anguish goes deep inside me to the point of feeling absolute pain...physically everything works...but, there is that "I don't know what" bowing to suffering. You've probably thought ...