DOOR: CAPTAIN'S TEARS
By Ángela López
I like you, pain;
you remind me that I am still breathing.
As long as you continue to sleep by my side, this body will continue to
cling to the warmth of the agony to which you have condemned me. For years I have cursed you, but one fine day
surrender knocked at my door, my knees finally bent before you, dear adversary.
My decision was not due to lack of courage, but to the weariness of an absurd
struggle; I wanted to change the result, when in reality mathematics is exact,
one plus one will always be two, it will never be zero. Poor innocent me when I tried to reject what
made me different from the others, no one can run away from his shadow. The
answer was always Acceptance.
Among the many
things that unite us as human beings is undoubtedly our ability to shed tears
of helplessness, bitterness and pain. Crying can lighten the load, perhaps
because it is the way in which pain abandons its amorphous nature to stop
tearing us apart inside. Have you ever wondered how you manage to harbor so
much pain in such a small body? I hope with all my heart that the answer is no,
but if the answer is yes, let me tell you that I understand your feeling. Searching for a why, I could see my will to
live grew taller than Gulliver, while my sense of self-pity was shrinking in
fear before the giant savior. Besides, dying is easy, but living requires
courage, and I don't have the word cowardice built into my lexicon. So, I made
peace with my life, I learned that being vulnerable made me stronger.
Magically, I could understand that the more I complained, the more I forgot the
smell of roses, the mystery of the starry sky, the murmur of the river that ran
in front of my house and the romanticism of the great Chopin. I did not want to continue tormenting myself
for what I was suffering, but I decided to focus on how much my existence
embellished, and so, without further ado, I said goodbye to my circle of Hell;
after all, there is only one Dante, it was foolish to compete with him.
Do not hate
anything or anyone, it makes no sense to breathe without living. Do not curse
your luck, observe it. Do not think that you are the most unfortunate being
that walks this earth, self-pity only makes your journey more tortuous with
shackles. Finally, learn to surrender, there are unnecessary battles that cloud
your consciousness so that you cannot feel how miracles embrace you day after
day. Sometimes you must allow your
opponent to win the game, losing becomes winning when it teaches you what
gratitude means. Checkmate is nothing
more than learning to accept what you cannot change. O Captain! My
captain! You will continue to steer your ship, but from a perspective
filled with gratitude, renouncing the deceitful waters of
resentment to lead you towards a life navigated by courage.
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