DIVINE PRIDE

By Ángela López

The differences between us human beings is fascinating.  Unique and irremediably beautiful in our own way.  Unfortunately, it takes us years of painful experiences to reach the feeling of appreciation for ourselves. When I was a child I couldn't fit into any group, I just liked to be alone in my world, which consisted of reading, drawing and running around.  I hated it when anyone else tried to draw me into childhood activities, but on the other hand, when I saw someone suffering, I would step out of my bubble to try to help.  As I got older I developed something that from my point of view is the ability to step into other people's shoes. So, when a waiter or waitress is unkind, I simply imagine a lot of possibilities as to why they are being mean; then, to the bad attitude, I return a warm smile. 

However, I am still a very lonely woman who enjoys little or no parties with friends or family gatherings. For many, I am arrogant, conceited, with pretensions of superiority. Unfortunately, they are unaware of what goes on inside me and the enormous effort I make when I leave my beautiful universe to risk being criticized over and over again. Most are unaware that while they run away from loneliness, I embrace it freely.  Their opinions don't bother me, after all, people only see the surface and ignore the depths in which my mind resides. Who am I to criticize someone else's myopia, when I myself must wear glasses to see better?

"In my world silence is a warm melody composed to seduce every petal of every rose. In my world the birds sing within the oceans while the fish dance on the firmament. In my world my footsteps lead me along peaceful paths, while wolves guard my lonely soul. In my world love is my water and respect is my oxygen; the sun is my night and the moon is my day. In my world black and white are passionate lovers who gave birth to millions of colors. In my world the letters sneak between my sheets to be caressed by my hands; and, although my words are mute, I always listen to them. In my world the stars are The Eden in which my dreams will eternally bloom. In my world darkness is my home, but light is my heart.

In your world, which you recognize as society, I perceive as a riddle. In your world, what you call normal, I call interpretation. In your world, loneliness is the dreaded Chimera; while for me, it is the mighty Pegasus. Curiously, in your world I am only a being condemned for my strangeness; but, I, although I do not understand you either, I do not judge you. And, though I am no longer afraid to step into your enigmatic world; I ask you not to misunderstand when my eyes wander into nothingness, for from time to time, I want to visit my sweet space.

Remember, you are always welcome in my world, just avoid carrying heavy judgments in your luggage."

Finally, I must say that pride was not willing to find me, because Ozymandias was not willing to desire me.  Being the center of attention or being flooded by flattery is something that does not identify me as a being; on the contrary, the more unnoticed I am among people, the safer I will be. With the passing of time I have come to understand that it is not necessary to die of starvation due to lack of self-esteem, nor to sin by excess of egocentrism.  What is important, however, is to feel a self-love so solid as to resist the fierce attack of others, and so beautiful as to see the divinity in each being. Whether we are gods or not is something I do not know; however, I do believe that we were all sprinkled by the immortal cosmic dust.

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